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Thanks to books, films and TV shows, we know how to describe the beats of a romantic or sexual relationship with impressive specificity — but what about all of the nuances that are unique to a platonic connection?

I began to replay conversations with the ghost in my head, conducting a post-mortem on our friendship to pinpoint where things had gone wrong. And then something strange happened: I realized it was probably for the best.

Why You Should Treat Your Friends More Like Lovers. Philip Ellis but what about all of the nuances that are unique to a platonic connection?. So far these connections all are fairly new and casual — but even so, it's interesting to see that part of how I connect with new lovers is to allow. How do we tell friends from lovers? It's interesting to note that both are obviously someone we have a connection with – but sexual engagement is what makes.

Perhaps this is because sex and romance are things we grow into as adults, whereas friendship has been central since childhood. To forgo time with friends in the flush of early romance.

But friendships — especially the long-term ones — are just as deserving of our curiosity and examination. Writer Ella Risbridger addressed this imbalance in an excellent recent piece for The Guardian.

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As somebody who has never had a long-term romantic relationshipI tend to think of my close friendships as the real love affairs in my life. Each one has its own complex love story.

But it was only when I was mentally dissecting my relationship with the person who ghosted me that I realized there is a whole set of philosophies I could be applying to my friendships. Why are we willing to change our behaviors, language, and feelings towards somebody when the sexual element enters into the relationship?

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In my opinion, this has to do with the approach to sexuality that society has transmitted to us. This approach both vulgarizes and overestimates everything related to sex ; otherwise said, it fails to express a balanced, realistic vision of sexuality.

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Sex is simultaneously seen as something dirty and shameful, and as the axis around which all of our life should turn. This self-contradictory attitude is responsible for a lot of suffering and confusion, but this should probably be the topic of another post.

So far these connections all are fairly new and casual — but even so, it's interesting to see that part of how I connect with new lovers is to allow. How do we tell friends from lovers? It's interesting to note that both are obviously someone we have a connection with – but sexual engagement is what makes. Lovers or Friends: Making Intentional Connections is using Eventbrite to organize 2 upcoming events. Check out Lovers or Friends: Making Intentional.

If we start considering sexuality just one more factor in defining a relationship, then it may become unclear whether a certain person is a lover or not. Is that nice guy, with which you made love three wkth four times, and then became involved in a romantic relationship with somebody else, a lover or a friend?

Then, instead of thinking, for example, friwnds we have ten friends and two lovers, we might perceive that we Lovers and friends with a connection linked in unique ways to each one of these persons, and that the sexual connection Loverd just one of the factors that make the difference.

More importantly, I discovered that this apparent confusion was actually giving me freedom — freedom from labelsand consequently freedom from behavior patterns that I had used for all my adult life.

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